Rabbi Blau's Insights on Avot Rabbi Yitzchak Blau If you have comments or questions please feel free to e-mail Rabbi Blau at: nyz@netvision.net.il

The Significance of Shame 


R. Akiva said: “Jesting and Irreverence lead to sexual sin.” (Avot 3:13)

We can well understand that a total lack of seriousness often paves the way toward transgression. If nothing ultimately matters or if a person does not take himself or herself seriously, why should they refrain from sin? Without questioning the point, we wonder about R. Akiva’s narrow focus. As his point applies to all wrongdoing, why does R. Akiva explicitly address sexual transgressions?

R. Yisrael Lipshutz offers a profound explanation in his Tifferet Yisrael (Yakhin 83). A solitary individual in private can perform almost all transgressions. The wayward individual can retire to his or her room and eat a cheeseburger or turn the light on 
Shabbat without worrying about the reactions of others. However, sexual crimes depend on the agreement of two separate people. Therefore, these sins require some prior form of communication between people about readiness to engage in 
sinful behavior. It is precisely this communication that a healthy sense of shame prevents. Thus, shame plays an especially strong role in preventing sexual misdeeds. R. Akiva warns against a certain kind of lewd humor that eventually neutralizes 
inhibitions and removes this barrier from sin.

This insight is particularly relevant to our day. We sometimes encounter the attitude that any embarrassment about these matters reflects some kind of psychological neurosis best taken care of by a good therapist. From this perspective, the psychologically healthy person is the one who can discuss any topic without a trace of embarrassment. In contrast, we contend that feelings of shame are entirely appropriate when it comes to certain topics. Of course, this does not mean that a 
husband and wife should be embarrassed about their moments of intimacy. Nor does it mean that these matters can never come up in our general conversation. However, they should come up only in particular circumstances and with the appropriate degree 
of reticence. Within the proper parameters, a healthy amount of shame helps lead the way to a more moral society. R. Lipshutz’s insight impacts powerfully on an important contemporary concern.

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